No big deal or anything, just blogging for the first time in a couple of months….and it’s shiny and new!! All thanks to my good friend Kirsten, who is a fellow Texan and probably one of the most talented people I have ever met. This girl can do anything. Lucky for me, she was more than willing to help me revamp my blog. She is a fellow blogger and loves to share her own 20something-newlywed-militarywife-livingabroad stories with the blogosphere. So go give her some love!
I feel I owe my readers an explanation as to why I haven’t been blogging. I have been going through some personal changes in my life.
My husband decided half way into his deployment that he wanted a divorce and that information has completely rocked my world. I felt as though I couldn’t share this information with the public for a long time because I was 1. embarrassed and 2. heartbroken…..and of course 3. angry.
I was having such a hard time with all of these feelings that I couldn’t really express them in words. Because my reasons for writing usually stem from things going on in my life, I wasn’t sure it was appropriate to write on a public platform. {BUT JEN THIS IS YOUR BLOG AND YOU SHOULD WRITE WHAT YOU FEEL!} True, but it is also a place where I want you to leave happy, not depressed…and I’m afraid of how my situation would affect your opinion of my work, of me, and I’m just a little too fragile to handle anything else right now! So instead, I started investing more time into journaling so that you didn’t have to deal with my highly emotional rants.
Many times I write from the heart and other times I divulge all the details of my adventures, but I want this to be the place where you can also come to see some amazing pictures of the gorgeous people I get to work with. I will not be in Germany for much longer and want to try and share the in’s and out’s of my move back home but I’ll try to do so without making anyone cry!
I never saw myself getting divorced. Ever. I am not a very stubborn person but I believe vows are serious stuff. I can’t control another person though…and I’ve had to let go, because I didn’t have the option to do anything else.
For all of my friends who watched (and heard) me complain about everything I had to give up for the Air Force and all of the changes that becoming a military wife included, please know that that was just scratching the surface. I soon became a PRO at being part of a nontraditional marriage. Losing the privilege of being a military spouse is a whole NEW set of rules. (and changes, let me tell you!) The changes were not what you would expect from a normal separation because my ex was deployed when he decided he wanted a divorce and I was here living in our apartment, driving his car, and in another country. Also, getting a divorce overseas is not the easiest process. (go figure?!!) It’s been the hardest 6 months of my life. Emotionally, his deployment gave us the physical and communicative distance that many couples don’t get to have. However, when I was processing various stages of grief, anger, hopelessness, and disappointment that I’d left my home, career and friends to follow him, I was doing so WITHOUT my family and friends around. I have a wonderful military family here and I wanted to take advantage of the free resources available here that I didn’t have at home. I started seeing a counselor regularly and learning to stop asking “why” and start figuring out “how” to move on. I have learned so much about the military and about myself. I have not always been strong, but I have done my very best to be positive.
Now that I know there is no chance for reconciliation or a chance of me staying in Germany any longer, I have officially succumb to the fact that I am going home and
…starting over.
Ready.
Set.
Go.
Here’s to the end of this amazing German adventure and the start of a new chapter. Please join me here in love and support (or just to look at pretty pictures and read funny stories) 😉
..and as the German say, “PROST!”
I love you J!!!! You will forever be near and dear to my heart no matter where you are. Here's to a lifelong friendship!!!! I look forward to seeing your ridiculously talented photography business grow so very rapidly!!! and as always, God Bless Texas. (:
Jen this was so well written. I'm so proud of you and how you've walked through this trial. And I'm so so so glad you're blogging again! Love ya.